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This is just one example of the large number of rogue apostrophes currently littering the island of Gran Canaria, which Terry and I visited last month. These apostrophes were everywhere: on signs, on menus, on buildings... you name it. I've honestly never seen such widespread misuse of the poor old apostrophe in one place in my life. What happened to cause this sad state of affairs? We'll probably never know. What I CAN tell you, however, is that the bar/restaurant I took this photo in did a really nice lasagna... 

Typos, and why they're not always the end of the world

I have a confession to make: sometimes I make typos. In fact, sometimes they're not even typos. Sometimes - and this will really shock you - sometimes they're actual spelling errors.

I know, I know: a professional writer who sometimes makes mistakes. I should resign right this very second and go and get a job that doesn't require me to write at all, ever: especially given that I actually have a website about writing. I'm not going to, though, because here's the thing: I don't think minor typos are that big a deal. There, I said it. I will let you take a moment to pick yourself back up off the floor here...

Still with me? OK, let me clarify: I'm not saying it's OK to make mistakes, and that we shouldn't bother about them. Not at all. On the contrary, I think anyone who makes a living from writing should make an effort to ensure their writing is as clear, and as error-free as possible. Absolutely.

What I am saying, though, is that when the odd, minor typo creeps in, I don't think it's the end of the world. I mean, we've all done it, haven't we? To err is human, after all, and I can't think of anyone - not a single person - who has never in their life hit the wrong key on a keyboard and failed to notice it.

And yes, I know that's what proofreading is for. But as most writers will tell you, when you've written something yourself, it can be hard to spot the mistakes in it. You see what you THINK is there, and sometimes errors go undetected. Or undetected by you, anyway. Here's one of the big drawbacks of writing online, you see: for every typo you ever make, there will be at least five people ready to jump on it and crow over it. The line, "You call yourself a professional writer, but..." will be used at least once. It's not a good scene, trust me.

Undoubtedly, some of these people are genuinely trying to be helpful. You should be grateful to these people. They're the ones who politely tell us when we've typed something wrong (and tell us by email, too, rather than pointing out the mistake in public and drawing further attention to it), and allow us to correct it without trying to make us feel like idiots for making it in the first place.

Then there are the rest.

Pet Peeves: 'Ima'

No, it's not a hybrid car, it's a hybrid word - and I hate it.

"Ima go to the store now," for instance, means, "I'm going to go to the store now."

"Ima have lunch," means "I'm going to have lunch."

And "Ima lazy so-and-so who can't be bothered writing out the words 'going to,'" means... well, you can probably work that one out for yourself.

"Ima" crops up more and more often these days in the language of people who think they are "being cute" by turning four words into one. These are, without a doubt, the same people who use the word "prolly" and think that "ppl" is an acceptable way to write "people", even in a business email.

Granted, the use of 'Ima' does conjure up a certain type of dialect, and may be useful to fiction writers who want to make their characters sound a bit more "real", but in everyday writing? No. Please, no. Make it stop, someone?

Words I Just Can't Spell

I admit it. There are some words I just can’t get to grips with. No matter how hard I try to memorise them, or to come up with nifty little mnemonics or other methods by which to trick myself into remembering them, I always have to look up the words:

Lose/loose
If left to my own devices I will ALWAYS choose the wrong one. Always.

Cliché
Or as it’s better known to me, “clique”.

Tomorrow
Gotta love those double consonants. Now, is it two 'Ms' or two 'Rs'?

Separate
For some reason I always want to be generous and give it two Ps. Why? Who knows.

And that's to say nothing of all of the differences between US and UK English that now completely confuse me because I've done so much work for US clients that I now sometimes forget which spelling goes with which country. Fun times!

I know I probably shouldn’t be admitting any of this, because I’m probably just opening myself up to a whole world of “You call yourself a writer, but you can’t spell TOMORROW?” comments, but the fact is, it’s true. I can’t. But hey, at least I know I can’t, so every time one of those words comes up, I can head straight over to Dictionary.com and look it up.

Do any words give you problems, or are you all perfect spellers?

Writing Pet Peeves #4: 'Prolly'

"Prolly". Let's just take a moment to look at it. It's a stupid word, isn't it? Especially when you consider that the perfectly good word it's so often used to replace - "probably" - is in no need of replacing.

There is nothing wrong with the word "probably". It is not old fashioned, obsolete or silly. It has not reached the end of its useful life. The English language and the word "probably" have a long and rewarding relationship still ahead of them. Or they probably do, anyway.

You see, if the people who habitually use "prolly" to mean "probably" get their way, in a few years time I'll have to re-write the sentence above to say "They prolly will."  This will annoy me because I HATE 'PROLLY'. Hate it. It actually makes me cringe every time I see it written down.

I suspect the people who use "prolly" think they're being "cute" when they use it. Maybe it's the way they speak, who knows. Do the majority of people pronounce the word as "prolly" now? Probably. I mean, "prolly".  Shame.

Do you write "prolly" instead of "probably"? And if so: why?

Why freelance writers aren't allowed to make mistakes. Ever.

One of the most annoying things about being a writer is that you’re not allowed to make any mistakes. Ever.

While that’s fair enough when you’re writing for publication, or for a client (who has a right to expect their copy to be absolutely error-free), when I write for myself, on my personal blogs, and in forums, it would be nice if people could maybe cut me some slack now and again.

Not so, though. Typo in a casual forum post? Someone will take great delight in pointing it out – normally with a “LOL!” and a general air of glee into the bargain. Mistake in my personal blog? Same thing again, with the glee and the “lol” and an attitude of “ha! I caught the writer making a typo! How funny! She’ll be SO embarrassed! I better point out the mistake right away – in public, preferably!”

Here’s the thing, though: sometimes I make mistakes. There, I admitted it. I am not perfect. I write thousands of words every single day, and when you’re as prolific as I am, sometimes you’re going to make the odd typo here and there. Most of the time they are just typos, but here’s another shocking confession: sometimes I spell words wrong. This is because I do not have an encyclopaedic knowledge of every single word in the English language, and when I’m pushed for time and the thing I’m writing is just a casual post on a forum, I sometimes won’t have time to go look it up. It’s also because I’m human. Shoot me if you must.

Pet Peeves # 2: Should of/Would of

This really should be Pet Peeve number one, such is my hatred of it, but the top spot has already been claimed by our friend excessive punctuation, so this week, ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm (or, indeed, not-so-warm) welcome to Pet Peeve number 2: “should of/would of”.

“I should of told her I would be late tonight…”
“I would of called, but I’ve been busy…”
“I should of paid attention at school, then I wouldn’t make embarrassing mistakes like this one…”

Aargh! No! It’s should have! Would have! Not “of”! Where in the wide world do they get “of” from? Have! Have, have, have! Aargh!

Do you ever read blogs? I mean, blogs other than this one which, imperfect as it may be, is guaranteed never to use this cursed phrase? If you read blogs on a regular basis, you’ll see this one all the time: in fact, it’s become so common that I fear an entire generation is growing up with the belief that “should of” and “would of” are actually correct, and “should have” and “would have” are, in fact wrong.

Poor “have”. It’s endangered. Its dying out. Stand up with us now against the “should of/would of” brigade.” We will prevail!

Pet Peeves # 1: Excessive punctuation

Excessive punctuation. You’ve all seen it. Sentences which end with an entire line of exclamation points. Like this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why? Why do people do this? I mean, OK, they’re excited, sure. And they want to exclaim about it. But one exclamation point tells me that the writer is excited. An entire row of them doesn’t tell me that they’re really excited. Just that they’re excited, and they don’t know too much about punctuation.

This excessive punctuation is everywhere. There are rogue rows of exclamation points everywhere I look. They’re in emails, on websites. Some of them are even in the speculative letters we receive from people looking for freelance writing work.

I’ll tell you a secret: I don’t really like exclamation points. Not even when there’s just one of ‘em. Oh, I’ll use them. But I don’t like them. There’s something a little too “perky” about them. I believe you should chose words which are powerful enough to not need exclamation points after them to help drive home their point. Especially not excessive ones.

So, the multiple-”exclam”. It’s becoming more and more prevalent, even amongst professional writers. And it is hereby named public enemy number one.