Writing-World - the site for freelance writers

Writing Police: No Comments!

This is just one example of the large number of rogue apostrophes currently littering the island of Gran Canaria, which Terry and I visited last month. These apostrophes were everywhere: on signs, on menus, on buildings... you name it. I've honestly never seen such widespread misuse of the poor old apostrophe in one place in my life. What happened to cause this sad state of affairs? We'll probably never know. What I CAN tell you, however, is that the bar/restaurant I took this photo in did a really nice lasagna... 

Unnecessary Quotation Marks: not just unnecessary, absolutely hilarious

Now, I know I said recently that pointing out other people's errors is pretty mean, but let's face it: it's sometimes just plain funny, too.

Take unnecessary quotation marks. Why do people "do" it? Who knows. But the results can be be downright hilarious, so when Fi drew my attention to an entire blog dedicated to recording these bloopers, I knew I was about to lose a large part of my afternoon to sitting chuckling over the images.

It's called The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks, and I totally recommend it if you're ever in need of a bit of light relief. My favourite so far is the poster shown above. You just know those people are going to be keeping your small change all to themselves, don't you?*

*Note: Not really.

How Not to Get a Freelance Writing Job, Part 2

A couple of days ago, I received the following email:

"I wish to apply as a writer for your company. i am a nigerian and a graduate of the <college name removed. It was typed all in lower case, though.>.By the grace of God almighty i am knowledgeable in my field. this includes such courses as < insert a long list of subjects bearing no relation to anything our blogs cover> please i would want to be involved in articles, term papers and projects partaining to the above areas either to develop and sell or to be paid for writing. thank you."

Now, what did capital letters do to this guy, do you think, to make him ignore them so thoroughly? And what on earth made him think that we'd be looking for freelancers who write almost entirely in lower case?

(I should probably add here that every time I post something like this, I get comments from people who have trawled through my own sites in order to find typos and point them out to me. Yes, I know I make errors too. Show me the writer who has never, ever made a mistake and... well, I probably won't believe you. So, when I post these items, I'm not trying to say that I am perfect, or that no one is ever allowed to make a mistake. The fact is, these things happen. Even the very best writers out there are guilty of making the odd typo. I'm just pointing out that when you're applying for a job as a writer, it's particularly important to make sure that you are, at the very least, writing in standard English.)

The type of email I don't answer...

Received this morning:

Hello,

I have been in the XXXXXXXXXX field for about 10years now and is working on my second book, XXXXXXXXXXXX If you need someone to blogs sometimes for Doll Face, please contact me.

Thanks & Smles

I is working on my second book?
If you need someone to blogs

Smles? SMLES?

And this, my friends, is why so many would-be freelance writers never hear back from the editors they send speculative emails to...

(Note: I used to email people like this back, gently pointing out why I wouldn't be hiring them. I thought I was being helpful - and I did try to be as gentle as possible - but all too often I'd just get back a stream of abuse, so these days I don't bother. My policy now is that if you can't be bothered to take the time to write proper English in your email to me, I can't be bothered to reply. Harsh, I know, but sometimes necessary.)

Pet Peeves # 3: Text Speak. Or should that be "txt spk"?

A comment posted on one of my other blogs this week had me gnashing my teeth in fury and rolling my eyes in disgust. (Why yes, I DO love me some drama, yes I do.) I reproduce it here for your amusement:

"does n e one no wher chanelle got her black bow chain she wears xoxox"

Eh? Now, call me stupid (many people do) but it took me a good few seconds to actually translate this to "Does anyone know where Chanelle got her black bow chain she wears". Even that's not the greatest grammar in the world ever, but at least you could understand it - which is, after all, the whole point of writing. Why write something that people will have to puzzle over and spend time decoding when you could just get straight to the point with some good, old fashioned English?

Sadly, I think that good, old fashioned English is becoming an endangered species. The "xoxox" at the end of the message above tells me that it was probably written by a teenager, and this is how many teenagers seem to communicate these days. The text message has killed off the English language. Oh, how we mourn!

Personally, I refuse to give in to the txt spkrs. That's why Pet Peeve # 3 is Text Speak. It should really have been number one, shouldn't it?

A "unique" style of writing

I don’t switch Instant Messenger on very often. The reason? Every time I do switch it on, something like this happens:

unique girl says:
hi
unique girl says:
asl plz?
unique girl says:
r u freelancer?
unique girl says:
i want to get guidance abt freelance writing?
unique girl says:
may u help me

unique girl just sent you a Nudge!

unique girl says:
???????????????
Amber says:
Hi, how can I help?
unique girl says:
first introduce urself
unique girl says:
who r u?
unique girl says:
from where u r?
unique girl says:
what do u do?

unique girl just sent you a Nudge!

Note, if you will, the two “nudges” this person sent me – both within the space of about 60 seconds. For the uninitiated, a “nudge” is a method of “prompting” the other party to respond: It makes your screen shake violently, and has roughly the same kind of effect as being grabbed by the collar and shaken. Nice.

Now, I’m not going to insult anyone’s intelligence by going through all of the many ways in which this is not the best way to try and get someone to help you with your freelance writing career. Or why an inability to write in, you know, standard English will maybe be a leeetle bit of a problem in that chosen career.

Suffice to say that Instant Messenger remains switched off for the foreseeable future…