The type of email I don't answer...

Received this morning:

Hello,

I have been in the XXXXXXXXXX field for about 10years now and is working on my second book, XXXXXXXXXXXX If you need someone to blogs sometimes for Doll Face, please contact me.

Thanks & Smles

I is working on my second book?
If you need someone to blogs

Smles? SMLES?

And this, my friends, is why so many would-be freelance writers never hear back from the editors they send speculative emails to...

(Note: I used to email people like this back, gently pointing out why I wouldn't be hiring them. I thought I was being helpful - and I did try to be as gentle as possible - but all too often I'd just get back a stream of abuse, so these days I don't bother. My policy now is that if you can't be bothered to take the time to write proper English in your email to me, I can't be bothered to reply. Harsh, I know, but sometimes necessary.)